Thoughts

Everyone is so ready to tell you their opinion, what he thinks with such intensity and such confidence, as if they truly really know everything that is going to happen to your own given situation.

Do I choose to listen to them? And to listen to logic also? One moment I say yes the next I say no. And I try to hang back but I slip. Again and again and again. And I wonder is that because I am attracted to the truth or am I simply willingly blind?

One moment I believe this, the next that. And I cannot decide. There are only a few times in my life that I could not see clearly, could not decide. Do you trust your instinct? Do you trust your logic? Most times for me these two are aligned. Yes my logic is a strange one so it does agree with my instinct. But not now.

I find myself more and more longing for loneliness. I take my car and I just drive, drive to nowhere in particular, as if every mile brings me closer to an unknown fate or away from my daemons, I don't know. But the only thing that gives me comfort is the road. Not the destination, just the road. And inevitably I want to be close to the sea. Again I don't know why.

I want to leave, now. I find myself in a condition I have not been for many many years, wanting to just get up and leave. But wherever you go you can never run away from yourself. Or your demons. Or your god.

Loneliness. In a room full of people and I am still alone. Even more than when I am alone and I long for it even more.

I drive all night, as in the song and comfort is temporary, only while the miles are eaten away under my tires. I pass faces on the road, glances of other strangers and I wonder if they too are looking for some kind of comfort.

We all look for comfort I guess, but as the years go by the understanding grows stronger and wiser and comfort becomes even more distant.

I long for a peaceful night sleep. I haven't had one for ages. I guess it comes with intelligence.

Its not how well you fall but how you rise that makes the difference.

As Seneca said, sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

I remember something I hear in a b-movie, have forgotten even what it was about, not to mention the name. But the character said, life is not a problem to be solved, it is a mystery to be lived.

Am I to blame for trying so hard for something I believe, against all logic, against all odds, against all opinions, against even me, that is worth fighting?

Maybe, but that's just me, I 'm a sucker for lost causes:) A sucker for impossible relationships, impossible situations. I would make a great Palladin I guess, always the stupid idiot to sacrifice himself for what he believes, for the Code.

I'm going for a drive.