I've been going through a crisis lately. Lately being the last couple of months.
Even though most crisis begin with a very significant event, a world changing event for the personality, mine was probably the bi-product of an event that was supposed to be joyful one. Difficult yes, hard to achieve yes, but all the while worthwhile to fight for.
When such an event is proven to be of not the significance you thought it was, not all that worthwhile altogether the bi-product of your sorrow and bitterness is ...well...possibly a crisis.
You start questioning not just anything that had to do with this event but your whole life, your choices, the way you choose or are used to living, your beliefs, your expectations, your goals, your friends, your enemies, your foes, your fears, your judgment....everything that makes up your life at the moment.
The tricky part is that when in a crisis your vision is not all that clear. Everything you see is seen through a filter of disappointment. As a friend from work who we have come to grow close lately told me, if you give everything you ve got and things just let you down, you're bound to be completely disappointed.
Kahlil Gibran in the Prophet says, much more eloquently than I could ever put it, that pain is the healers hand, that even though hard, is the necessary medicine you need to become healthy again. Pain means you're sick and need to get well.
A strange view I grant you that. But one that got me through a couple of rough times and will again, I'm pretty sure.
Nobody likes pain. Pain however is an essential part of growth. Personal growth is a hard journey and anyone without the stomach for it will abandon this path very soon, at the beginning even.
Personal growth is for me the reason for existing. To grow, to evolve , to know. Innevitably I will hurt. I know this. I accept this.
The point is how much are you willing to ache? Well.....now lets think. Intelligence comes with an extra cost in the emotional area. Add to that a personality and a spirit that is all about living and taking risks, about seeing a challenge and going for it, not being afraid of pain or loss and you have a sure recipe for disaster:)
I am ok with myself though which is the most important factor for me. I said what I thought and I did what I said (as Mac says for PP). It matters not if I was lied to or if I was not met with the same intensity of .........willingness to face the ...situations.
And now that I can look upon the situations with a much clearer head, because as always at the end of the rope it is pure logic that will come to my rescue (logic to me is not the absence of emotion - to me emotions and logic are the two parts of my most important organ - my brain - what makes me me), I have to come to terms with what has happened and with the way I will change my life - if I choose to change it. You - or rather I - spend my time on this earth learning, trying, fighting, evolving, growing. Investing in what makes me what I am. Well after nearly 3 decades (I said nearly!):) of effort I like what I see in the mirror (both out and in-side). It is imperative, it is essential not to forget that to trust this product of all these efforts one should be at least capable of understanding it....or at least accepting and appreciating it......otherwise its not a fair trade......for yourself - for myself!
I have said many times to many people that my patience is almost endless. Almost. But when it does run out, my patience and understanding, it is for good. Friends have asked me why I choose to be so patient, so understanding to the point of stupidity with people or situations. I try but can never truly convey to them the fact that I choose to extend my limits up to that point because I know that when I do reach the end of the rope the road ends for me and that situation. There are no turning backs, no re-thinking, no re-consideration. It is a clear and complete finish. The end. People do not believe me when I tell them that. I know they do not. And when they are faced with a denial so absolute as passionate as the fight for things not to reach the end they finally realize what I was trying to say.
It has happened to me before. And I'm pretty sure it will again.
The point is that every disappointment takes from your soul a part of your hope. And that is a very high price to pay, that's why the effort to build up all these defenses , all these boundaries so that noone can reach you and hurt you, is so intense.
So now I'm hangin in there. I trust the healing hand that may cause me pain now, but I know is a compassionate one. God whispers in your pleasures but shouts in your pain.
Lets follow the 5 steps of emotional crisis:
1 - Denial
2 - Anger
3 - Bargaining
4 - Depression
5 - Acceptance
This is not an uncommon process. We all go throught this to various intensities many times a day, from loosing a parking spot, to being late for work etc etc. Any change of circumstance can cause us to go through this process. The intensity and duration of the reaction depends on how significant the change-produced loss is perceived.
The real grieving period begins when the 5 stages of grief are over. It can be summarised in:
T = To accept the reality of the loss
E = Experience the pain of the loss
A = Adjust to the new environment without the lost object
R = Reinvest in the new reality
And this is hard work. It begins when the 'acceptable' grief period is over, when everyone believes you should be over it, when everything is supposed to be back to normal. It is that significant point that real grieving begins.
Living is hard work isn't it? :)
But you wake up one day, and your head and your heart are light, and you see a bright new morning and everything just seems young and new and all about fresh possibilities. That's life :)
Live it well.
William Parrish:
Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.Joe Black: I don't care Bill. I love her.
William Parrish: How perfect for you - to take whatever you want because it pleases you. That's not love.
Joe Black: Then what is it?
William Parrish: Some aimless infatuation which, for the moment, you feel like indulging - it's missing everything that matters.
Joe Black: Which is what?
William Parrish:
Trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choices and feelings, and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love.Joe Black: So that's what love is according to William Parrish?
William Parrish:
Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I'm talking about.Joe Black: Those were my words.
William Parrish: They're mine now.
[
Watching the fireworks above the party before they depart]
William Parrish: It's hard to let go, isn't it?
Joe Black: Yes it is, Bill.
William Parrish: What can I tell you.
That's life.
Mr. Keating: "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, 'O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse.' That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"Labels: Love, Movies, Personal, Quotes, Saddenes
