Hope...

Its strange that my last post was on November 7. 7.....November 7 but 7 in every month anyway....

Not even 20 days but I feel my life has changed.

This life the last 3 years has been a struggle.....with a moderate beginning, a hard very hard middle and a heartbreaking almost ending.

However.....and here comes the cliche.....you gotta try and you gotta believe .... even though there is no harder and more painful thing than the memory of happy moments in times of pain and despair.

Happiness.....happiness is not a feeling it is a human condition and it does come from people.

You cannot be happy alone .... and it does pain me to admit this because I have always been a loner, one who even took pride in the fact that I'm ok being alone.

Well I'm still ok being alone but I don't want to be anymore.

And that is a pretty big change ..... for me.

Last week I watched ROTK again. After almost one and a half year (of course the extended version):P

And it was just like I remembered...only better...more intense....maybe bacause I'm one and a half year older...wiser? maybe.....but definitely able to experience emotion even more...

I feel as if every day that passes enriches the picture of my soul I guess that is the same for everyone.

In April I was sure I was beginning something that was bound to bring me a great deal of pain. Still I had hope......and while it progressed I experienced this feeling in all its intensity with a strength I did not know I possessed.....I had moments of extreme happiness and weeks of.....well the opposite.

Still I knew....in my heart I knew that what I believed was true....that I had to fight and stick with my belief to be able to go through this .....

I lost this belief a couple of months ago and it nearly killed me.....well not literally......besides anything that does not kill you only makes you stronger.....but I have to add here...not only stronger or wiser....it steals something of your hope, of your joy and of your hope.

And everyday for me was maybe not gray but without a lot of color.

And then.....

I did something considered by everyone, even me, stupid.......like a phone call...

And that made all the difference.

Moulin Rouge is restored again to its rightful place of being one of my favorite movies.

Can you really say true love always wins?

I can't answer that......I want to say yes .......

But true love, I can tell you that, it does try like hell to conquer all. It will not stop in the face of pain, in the face of hardship, will not count any obstacle because ...... true love diminishes the boundaries of your loneliness and your fear in front of the long but predetermined path of life.

Love will make you hope.

And hope conquers everything, even death.

So here's for hope.......3 decades in this world and I'm full of hope.......:-)

So thanx........

I have my ticket (finally) for England.....until the last minute I could not bring myself to decide to get it.....but I thought what the hell......this is the chance of a lifetime to fulfill a lifelong dream.....and dreams should be fulfilled....as Coehlo says When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

Well this has been my dream for nearly 20 years (I said NEARLY!!) so......:)

Anyway in other news.....I read again the absolutely fabulous LOTR secret diaries

Careful.....only for serious LOTR fans....the rest of you guys will not understand a word in these diaries...but for LOTR geeks such as me they are an absolute delight. Thank you Cassie!

This up till now has been a funny day...I have laughed so much...haven't laughed so much for months.....well certainly for the last 2 months......

I also decided to take a pic of my desk @ work .... so ok yes I am in a technical position ...I am also the only woman on the floor however I think my desk does look......well......it kind of reflects my personality....please remember a neat office is the product of an empty mind however I did tidy up a bit before taking the pic...so here goes....

What does this picture say?

Well probably that the inhabiter of this desk loves to travel (a step that travels unlimited roads), also loves furry animals:P, knows how to hook up a laptop to a console (see cable), has Channel sunglasses, likes candle-light and loves the sea.....oh and music (see earphones)...the rest I will not disclose at the moment:P

What a week......

First I probably slept each night of the week around 2 hours.....the launch of the new products as well as the provisioning upgrade for the LLU and the change in the BRAS.....well to sum everything up as MacGyver once called it this was Hell Week.

But it turned out ok...more than ok:)

Then.....well I keep wondering if I am a romantic or plain simple stupid.....I do wonder about that.....

I guess time will show in the very near future but I am quite concerned since risks like this are more than likely possible to cost you your soul and mine has already been compromised.

But ....it feels so fuc...ing great!:) I am able to smile again....truly.....will it last I wonder?