I sing the body electric

I look around the office floor and see so many people......many of them I've spent years working with, laughing with, trying with, pushing it with....

Two of my favorites are leaving this week.....so many things changing in life.....but then that's what its all about, changing....

Life is about changing and coping with change and loss but also about traveling this journey with dignity and respect and when you loose this dignity and respect having the courage to stand straight and re-claim them.

I was fortunate to have two great teachers in high school. As with all inspired people, who wish to inspire others and help them grow, they only stayed a semester, school management found some silly excuses and let them go.

One of them introduced me to the Kahlil Gibran and the Prophet as well as The road less travelled and the other to what ancient greek tragedy is all about, and especially Sophocle's Antigoni.

Now this ancient greek tragedy is about algos, greek name for extreme pain of the soul and the mind. Pain and how to rise to the best you can be under it , pain and how to still perform the duty that you bare upon yourself, duty that you choose because you choose who you are or who you become under it anyway.

It was for many years and still continues to be a belief of mine that life is mainly a solitary journey. Sometimes this solitude becomes unbearable but I think it is at those times that one really grows.

They say that time heals all wounds, thats crap in my book. Time heals some wounds, the ones that aren't really so deep even if at the time of the experience you felt as if you were going to die.

Well time does not heal all wounds. As time goes by I ache more and more about people I have lost and can never get back with, as time goes by I regret not remembering more moments with these people, as time goes by I regret remembering only the bitter end and not the wonderful beginning.

Love is such a selfless thing, I realize it more and more as I grow up. My love for my grandfather and my grandmother has not diminished one bit and many years have passed since their passing.

My love for my mother grows and becomes more mature and more desperate as time goes by.

The people who knew me when I was 'innocent', meaning not yet stricken by the hardships of life.....I miss them.

I was talking with my mother the other day and she told me I was a child that would always be asking a question , why this why that......and I recall now my curiosity about everything and my solitude even in my childhood.

A solitude based on 3 decades of evolving , how do you blend that with someone truly and honestly? I have yet to meet someone similar to me.....not that I consider this possible but it would be nice.......

My past relationships, that is what they are, past and even though many wonderful and also not so wonderful memories are left of them, they have a place in my heart and in my past.

I know I will never be the girl that spend countless sleepless nights and then went straight to work because of love. I am older now, I am more mature now, I am more hurt now.

I do not regret those nights , they are wonderful memories and at last I can remember them without pain.

But I am not the same person anymore, and I especially miss a big part of my sensuality that is gone for a long time now.

I have some idea about why this is happening.

And I also know that my soul and body are still mending.

I need a holiday as Bilbo said. And I wish I could take that long holiday.

Sometimes in the darkest hours of the night I feel so.......exhausted, like I have no more courage left. And where to find it?

Well as Freddie said 'The Show must go on'

So, my beloved self, get a grip, hold on tight and endure. More than anything endure. Things will get better :-)

"I am loved by thousands, but I feel like the loneliest man in the world." Freddie

"Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius."
Sir Edward Gibbon

"Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god."
Aristotle

"Solitude, the safeguard of mediocrity, is to genius the stern friend, the cold, obscure shelter where moult the wings which will bear it farther than the suns and the stars. He who should inspire and lead his race must be defended from traveling with the souls of other men, from living, breathing, reading, and writing in the daily, time-worn yoke of their opinions. "In the morning - solitude;" said Pythagoras; that Nature may speak to the imagination, as she does never in company, and that her favorite may take acquaintance with those divine strengths which disclose themselves to serious and abstracted thought. 'Tis very certain that Plato, Plotinus, Archimedes, Hermes, Newton, Milton, Wordsworth, did not live in a crowd, but descended into it from time to time as benefactors: and the wise instructor will press this point of securing to the young soul in the disposition of time and the arrangements of living, periods and habits of solitude."

-- from Ralph Waldo Emerson's "Conduct of Life"

SOLITUDE
Happy the man, whose wish and care
A few paternal acres bound,
Content to breath his native air
In his own ground.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire;
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
In winter, fire.

Blest, who can unconcernedly find
Hours, days, and years slide soft away
In health of body, peace of mind;
Quiet by day.

Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mixed, sweet recreation,
And innocence, which most does please
With meditation.

Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die,
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

Alexander Pope

P.S. I was wrong. It took more than a month.