Do not let your fire go out,
spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate,
the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.


So.......life. Unique, wonderful , exciting, tragic, painful, fullfiling, extraordinary, spontaneous, rewarding, loving, human life.


What has happened in the last 12 months to me? What has my life been for the last 12 months?


Too many things to mention but not all that significant. Have I been deliriously happy? I have felt close to that but not quite...have I been devastated? Yeap.......more than once ...

Has this been a good year? Let's see.....I have tried to see other places in the world and came closer to my dream to see our beautiful planet, I have been in love, I have had new friends, I have broken bonds with the past, I have grown, I have evolved, I have returned to things I wanted to return to (Karate) and I have read dozens of books, heard hundreds of songs.

So....all in all one could say this has been a moderately good year.

What I haven't yet managed to discover is meaning. Meaning....what I always search for and never can quite grasp. I desperately need meaning. I love life. And I love my life, I am happy to be alive, to breathe, fell and think.

But I need meaning.

Lately I have come to the conclusion that I am not exactly an agnostic. I am a deeply spiritual person but none of the existing religions express my own belief.

In my deepest thoughts, where I draw my strength from there is a belief in a core of goodness and kindness. In a beginning more magnificent than anything ever imagined. And more beautiful.

Life can show you its beauty in moments you do not expect. Like playing chess with a strange child on a beach so far away.....like listening to music from a distant bar while speaking to someone you love who is far away.......like a night full of stars, like a song that makes your eyes water.....like a fragile flower with the strentgh and beauty of its fragility and short life.

I know birthdays are only a human way of measuring time...of reclaiming life. This time for me .......... it feels different.

Like a step.

Fear. I think this is what I feel now. I wish I could freeze time for a while and get back to that beach.......and just listen to the waves. Look at the sun.

But life goes on. For better or for worse tomorrow will come and go and I will still be here, sad or happy but still here.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

From the Matrix :
Oracle: I wanna tell you a little secret, being the one is just like being in love. No one needs to tell you you are in love, you just know it, through and through.

“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”

James Dean

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”