So , its been more than a week since my last post, but its Xmas, that is only to be expected:)

I was fortunate enough to do a thing I love doing any day of any month of any year, but *especially* during Xmas. Go to the opera.

And not once but twice....well not the same opera....:)

I got to see Puccini's Madama Butterfly at the Greek National Opera and also Mozart's The Magic Flute at the Athens Concert Hall.

Both operas are to me precious, but for different reasons.

I love Italian opera. I really do. I know of many people who think of the opera as a really tiring and boring form of music or entertainment. But to me, the italian operas, Puccini, Verdi, are a rare form of pleasure.

Whenever I hear 'Nessun Dorma', the last aria Puccini ever composed, whenever I hear Violetta singing 'Amami Alfredo' in La Traviata, or Museta's Waltz in "La Boheme" , whenever I hear 'Vissi d'Arte' in Tosca ( I lived for my art, I lived for love ) , and finnaly whenever I hear Butterfly saying goodbye to her son before she dies in 'Tu? tu? Piccolo Iddio!' I feel the power of the music in my very soul.

Puccini was a great composer, a magician for me, who could with his librettos transform a few notes into emotions so powerful that you cannot stop yourself from weeping , not because of the tragedy of the lives of his heroes and heroines but also because all these people who had to die in these plays sung about how much they loved, adored , cherished life.

The same applies for Verdi, however his heroes were less helpless. Puccini's heroines are helpless, hit by the cruelty of life and humans, so fragile and yet so bright, a source of light and love, like a butterfly, that is destroyed when touched, her wings broken forever, unable to fly anymore. But her beauty is so utterly irresistible that men just have to take it, have it even for a moment and then destroy it.

To me that is the most tragic thing in his operas.

I lived for my art, I lived for love.

As for Mozart's Magic Flute, I have to say that as far as the music goes its not one of my favorites.

But......a big but.....the Magic Flute is a multilevel opera. Has a story that is so complex that once or twice is not enough to start to comprehend it.

Its probably the first opera parents take their kids, its fun and Xmas spirit. With Papageno and Papagena and the Prince Tamino and the Princess Pamina and Queen of the Night.

However this is not what this opera is about. Mozart wrote it just after the French Revolution and just before he died. Haydn had introduced him to FreeMasonry and its full of the ideals (the autonomy of the individual, self-determination, appalling sexism), the ideals (power, wisdom, beauty), and the symbols (aprons, hammers, compasses, a pyramid with an all-seeing eye) of the Masons.

The Magic Flute and the masons are something I shall write about in another topic when I'm more concentrated, now I'm just scratching the surface.

However there are many things to dig up in the masonic and tectonic tradition, in secret societies, in works of art like Da Vinci's Madonna of the Rocks (National Gallery in London and the Louvre) and the the myths concerning Christianity , the Holy Family and Mary Magdalene.

I know my friends are sick and tired of me always talking about this stuff but I am fascinated!

There's more I have to write in this post but since I have to get back to work I'll just write a few of my favourite lyrics:

Vissi d'Arte :

Vissi d’arte, vissi d’amore,
I lived for my art, I lived for love,
non feci mai male ad anima viva!
I never did harm to a living soul!
Con man furtiva
With a secret hand
quante miserie conobbi aiutai.
I relieved as many misfortunes as I knew of.
Sempre con fe sincera
Always with true faith
la mia preghiera my prayer ai santi tabernacoli sali.
rose to the holy shrines.
Sempre con fe sincera
Always with true faith
diedi fiori agl’altar.
I gave flowers to the altar.
Nell’ora del dolore
In the hour of grief
perche, perche, Signore,
why, why, o Lord,
perche me ne rimuneri cosi?
why do you reward me thus?
Diedi gioielli della Madonna al manto,
I gave jewels for the Madonna’s mantle,
e diedi il canto agli astri, al ciel,
and I gave my song to the stars, to heaven,
che ne ridean piu belli.
which smiled with more beauty.
Nell’ora del dolor
In the hour of grief
perche, perche, Signor,
why, why, o Lord,
ah, perche me ne rimuneri cosi?
ah, why do you reward me thus?

Tu? tu? Piccolo Iddio! :

Butterfly

You? you? you? you? you? you? you?
Tu? tu? tu? tu? tu? tu? tu?
(anxiously but
with great feeling)
My little God! Love, my love,
piccolo Iddio! Amore, amore mio,
my Lily flower of rosebud.
fior di giglio e di rosa.
(taking her son's head in her hands
and drawing him close to her)

Although you must never know it,
Non saperlo mai per te,
it is for you alone, for your innocent eyes that,
pei tuoi puri occhi,
(in a whisper)
Butterfly dies...
muor Butterfly...
because then you may
perché tu possa andar
travel beyond oceans
di là dal mare
and when you have grown up,
senza che ti rimorda
you will never feel remorse knowing
ai di maturi,
that your mother abandoned you.
il materno abbandono.
(with exaltation)

Oh, you who came down to me from
O a me, sceso dal trono
Heaven's highest throne,
dell'alto Paradiso,
look for the last time upon your Mother's face,
guarda ben fiso, fiso di tua
look closely at her face, closely,
madre la faccia!
so that some trace will remain, look carefully!
che ten resti una traccia, guarda ben!
Farewell my beloved! goodbye little love!
Amore, addio! addio! piccolo amor!
(in a faint voice)
Go and play, play!
Va, gioca, gioca!

P.S. Φριιιιιιιιζ!!! Φριζ λέω!!! Πουτ δε κοτ ντάουν σλόουλυ!!!!!!

(για να ευθυμήσουμε και λίγο)

So this post is for my very first Xmas present this year from my dear friend alombar :-)

Now there are some people in life that even though you don't get to see them much, even though circumstances and chance might drift you apart, whenever and wherever you meet its like if it was only yesterday you were together.

Now alombar is one of the very few people in my life that give me that feeling :)

When I first met him he already was a succesful (what should I call him?):) computer genious ...me on the other hand I was only starting.

And he did help me a lot (in a strange way sometimes);) in those first efforts of mine and for that help I'll always be grateful. (I am not blond!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

But it was not that help that I remember. We had a lot of strange but good times and even though our paths have separated I always remember with great fondness these times......he was the first person that made food not a guilty pleasure for me (and not only food).

Anyway, later on our paths crossed again in the next company we both worked (another coincidence) and later on again here :)

The thing I remember most is your great and out-of-ordinary completely sense of humour and the fact that with me you never were quite as almost-cruel honest as with everyone else. You probably thought I could not take it (maybe you were right):) .

Anyway, this is just to say I remember. And many times I miss.

And I definitely hold you to your promise for that darn cup of coffee (or chocolate or wine that you prefer......I'm open);)

Merry Xmas!:)

P.S. I still remember what you told me once......that my makeup is on the inside , not on the outside.......I have still to hear a loveliest and more honest thing.

P.S.2. I also remember that you said I looked like a little bush from Age of Empires :P Not a flattering thing to say....funny though....you also said I look like a Manga.....do I look like a Manga?:P

One of my favourite poems

Απολείπειν ο θεός Αντώνιον

Σαν έξαφνα, ώρα μεσάνυχτ', ακουσθεί
αόρατος θίασος να περνά
με μουσικές εξαίσιες, με φωνές --
την τύχη σου που ενδίδει πια, τα έργα σου
που απέτυχαν, τα σχέδια της ζωής σου
που βγήκαν όλα πλάνες, μη ανοφέλετα θρηνήσεις.
Σαν έτοιμος από καιρό, σα θαρραλέος,
αποχαιρέτα την, την Αλεξάνδρεια που φεύγει.
Προ πάντων να μη γελασθείς, μην πείς πως ήταν
ένα όνειρο, πως απατήθηκεν η ακοή σου·
μάταιες ελπίδες τέτοιες μην καταδεχθείς.
Σαν έτοιμος από καιρό, σα θαρραλέος,
σαν που ταιριάζει σε που αξιώθηκες μια τέτοια πόλι,
πλησίασε σταθερά προς το παράθυρο,
κι άκουσε με συγκίνησιν, αλλ' όχι
με των δειλών τα παρακάλια και παράπονα,
ως τελευταία απόλαυσι τους ήχους,
τα εξαίσια όργανα του μυστικού θιάσου,
κι αποχαιρέτα την, την Αλεξάνδρεια που χάνεις.

Κωνσταντίνος Π. Καβάφης (1911)

English translation

God forsakes Antony

When suddenly, at midnight hour,
an invisible troupe is heard passing
with exquisite music, with shouts --
your fortune that fails you now, your works
that have failed, the plans of your life
that have all turned out to be illusions, do not mourn in vain.
As if long prepared, as if courageous,
bid her farewell, the Alexandria that is leaving.
Above all do not be fooled, do not tell yourself
it was a dream, that your ears deceived you;
do not stoop to such vain hopes.
As if long prepared, as if courageous,
as it becomes you who have been worthy of such a city,
approach the window with firm step,
and with emotion, but not
with the entreaties and complaints of the coward,
as a last enjoyment listen to the sounds,
the exquisite instruments of the mystical troupe,
and bid her farewell, the Alexandria you are losing.

Constantine P. Cavafy (1911)


The poem refers to Plutarch's story that, when Antony was besieged in Alexandria by Octavian, he heard the sounds of instruments and voices, which made its way through the city, and then passed out; the god Bacchus (Dionysus), Antony's protector, was deserting him.

My absolute object of desire for this Xmas.......

So how sick can someone be to be at a party and use her friends DSL to write in her blog? (thanks Christos for all your great parties!!!)

Yeah yeah yeah I know, I'm sick so shoot me. So after spending nearly 3 hours trying to avoid all the drunk people trying to find the meaning of life through conversation, avoiding one specific drunk guy speaking in english (god knows why) who grabbed my ass, after almost starving (no food here), I'm hungry and pissed (oh nice song - YMCA).

So, I had 2 choices. One...leave. Two ...... take advantage of my friends DSL. Ok, now I have 2 other guys looking over my shoulder laughing at me (why? isn't it normal to write in your blog during the party? ...no?):PPPPPPPP

So .......... lets go again....I'm hungry! Oh .....I'm also looking very very hot tonight as apparently everyone tells me........(no I'm not drunk...havent even had one drink).

Anyway.......my plans for the rest of the evening (morning) are:

1) FIND FOOD!!!!!!!!!!

2) Get a drink (or two) - finally!

3) Change the stupid music (unless its 80's)

4) Did I mention the find food issue?

5) The guys have stopped paying attention to me and are discussing how much they have been drinking (Dimitris and Nikos - stop talking about stuff related to food and drinks) - (music is better now.....Saturday Night fever...saw the play in London.......nice nice nice.....eyes.... Adam Garcia and also a great voice and real talent....at the end the whole theater was on their feet dancing...spectacular.......I met one of my best girlfriends on the plane back from London when we were both drooling over one of the show's cd soundtracks.....oh....Kostas just came in the room)

..........so I'm going to stop writting now and get back to the party............

I'm going to finish this later.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(because as Kostas tells me I'm missing the big action over there......)

;-))))))))))))))))))))

P.S. Update : Still sitting at our friends pc.....decided to install firefox. HE s going to kill me later if he finds out. Also we installed an antivirus....probably he will find out...and kick our collective asses. Oh no.....now they are playing greek songs........:((((( I wonder what Christos will say when the pc prompts him to update the virus fuc...g definitions. Oh, another friend walked in...Christos number 2! Ok now there are a lot of people laughing around ..........lets see...what else can we do to fuc..k up our friend pc? Lets see.....ok lets add a few files in his emule list.........some tsontes maybe? :PPPPPPPPPPP Ok ...I wonder what his girlfriend will say when she finds out.......oh ok she s not that pretty anyway.........;) Christos though is very handsome today especially when carrying the sfouggaristra...............oh greek sex god!!! (insert laugh here!)

P.S.2. The guy in the pic is not Christos (not that anyone would really believe that if that were Christos I would be sitting here writting in my blog instead of being in there...not writting...but anyway.....) that's Adam Garcia. YEah ok so I have a thing for beauty, can anyone trully and honestly say beauty doesn't count? I mean be serious! ;)

Ever since I can remember myself I wanted to write. writing, putting my thoughts in sentences and words and turning all these spinning images in my head into a coherent picture was always a delight for me.

However what I always had trouble with was the beginning. How to start. Once I started writting then everything just sort of floats, without any effort. But the beginning.......now that was always hard. I think that a good piece can be judged by its beginning. That's why many times we read just a few words, or lines from the beginning of a book or an article or a story, and we stop. Without a second thought. Or other times we know we're hooked from the very first words.

Anyway, I was thinking today about certain people, who are always depressed. Always sad, they think life is so unfair, so difficult, so devastating. That they can't cope.

And whenever you're around them, even talking to them on the phone, not necesserily close friends or anything, even just collegues or even simple acquantances, they manage to pull you down.

I'm the first to say that life is not easy. Life, as Budha says in his first of 3 Truths, is pain. Yes life is pain. Deal with it. Even though Budha says that the reason for pain is desire, and if you eliminate the desire than the pain has no reason to exist I do not agree.

I think desire gives us one more reason to live. I mean if not for desire, than why try to achieve anything? We all desire something, and no matter how great or petty that is, it possibly gives us a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

I have not had the easiest of lives but not the hardest either. There are some who would say I'm the most unlucky-lucky person they know, because so many misfortunes happen to me but also so many unbelievable fortunes.

The twists of fate are for me not an adversary but a welcoming friend.

So, life is pain. What is it that makes some of us fight like hell, give everything we have to get through this life with joy, with delight, with love, with knowledge? And what makes others give up so easily, or not so easily, but ultimattely give up? I know that when you take a hit you fall.

Its not how well you fall though, its how well you rise that defines you.

Sure I've fallen. More than once. But I always rise. The phoenix to me is not just a magical beast, but perhaps my innermost strength. (The phoenix cannot heal herself, she can only take the pains of others until she dies, and is reborn)

I think that what defines these people, these emotional vampires that try to suck out of you your strength and your courrage and your joy for life, is their lack of hope or joy.

For me every waking moment of this life is full of hope. Even in my darkest hours, when every happy hour I've ever spent was a painfull sting, even then it was this hope that kept me going. I want to be an optimistic person. I believe that humanity is basically good, that there is still hope for man (not unlike Aragorn said in The Lord of the Rings):).

I also want to maintain my awe and joy towards the wonders of this world, I want to be able to cry and laugh and love the light as much as I do now.

And I think the only way to do that is to evolve and to love myself and my life. It is the only way also to be able to love anyone else around me. Cause if you don't love and appreciatte yourself than you cannot love anybody else.

I have many times tried to help these people, tried to share with them optimism and joy. All they do is take it away from me and leave me empty. And sad.

So now I know I cannot do this anymore. If someone is always trying to get me down, or suck the joy out of me....than I just stop having anything to do with him.

It may sound harsh, but its only a method for self-preservation for me.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

By Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936).

Today is St.Nicholas day. Still thinking of you grandfather.


<- Nikolaos Markou Chrisula Kostala-Markou ->

December 1!:)

The first day of the last month of the year. The month of Xmas and New Year's eve and everything.

The month u know the town gets all shiny and happy, when you go shopping without any guilt trips, when u know u'll spend half the days possibly drunk or with a hangover, when you'll get that extra bonus from work, but at the end you'll have even less money left, the month you remember what it was like to be a kid, with your family under the Xmas tree, opening presents.....

I love this month! Its probably my most most favorite month. It wasn't always a happy one but still there are so many happy memories I have, the fact that it is the final month of the year, when you can finally relax a bit, the year is almost over, you can sit back and wait it out.

When the year starts you're determined to make all these things happen, make this a great year etc etc. But....things don't always work out, life has its own plans. In December no more plans, just 31 days till New Year. Even though this year I have no planned vacations, I will be working through Xmas and New Year and quite hard cause the rest of my team will be on vacations, I'm still so happy.

I cant wait to go downtown and see Syntagma Square all made up for the holidays. And see hopefully the first snow.

My happiest memory from Xmas times is not one of my many journeys (because every year during Xmas time I go on a trip).

My happiest memory is of a Xmas time, when I was maybe 5, I can't really remember. When I went to sleep at night it was very cold but no snow just freezing cold. In the morning my grandpa came in the room, woke me up, opened the balcony door.......to a snow covered garden, glistening in the first light. Pure, white snow, had covered everything and was so amazingly beautiful I remember it still. There are some images that just leave a clear and definitive imprint on our minds and souls. Well that image has left one in me. Any happy moment after that has to be compared to that......and is found wanting. I was so so young, just beginning to understand my world, and I was loved, God, so much loved by my family, thing for which I am so grateful, it has defined me, made me make it through the hard times, because the memory, the warmth of that love is with me still, even though the people are long gone.

Another beloved memory of Xmas I have is of Xmas evening. After dinner when everyone was going to bed I was left in the great salon, where the Xmas tree was. I was alone everyone was getting ready to sleep, and it was ery quiet, but the tree was all lit up, there was a silent buzz from the xmas lights. I sat on the couch, looked at the tree and just drifted in thoughts. And I distinctively remember saying to myself, remember this moment as one of perfect happiness. Grasp it, savour it, to be able to relive it when you'll no longer have the people who define your happiness. It surprises me now how I could perceive loss when I was so young and had not yet experienced it.

There was another time, I was in Austria. I went to the Imperial Ball at Hofburg Palace. Ok another night to remember, or the other time in Prague such a special time, or in Cairo visiting Han El Halili at the middle of the night, or in Dooze in Tynisia, or in London or in Paris or.....so many places, so many Xmas times.

I love Xmas, did I say that? :-)

But at the same time I miss my family so so much during those times. Its hard, so so hard from a large family to be left with one other person. And I know my mom feels the loss just as much as I do so I have to put on my happy face and try to cheer her up.

She's a lovely person, I can't stand it when she hurts. I can be strong enough for the both of us. But ....sometimes......I just wish........

Never mind:)

Anyway, for all those happy moments in the past thank you, and for all the happy ones to come, I can't wait!!!

As Mac says 'Another day, a whole other set of new possibilities! I'm a sucker for mornings' ;-)

Well....I'm also a sucker for Xmas!