What a strange week.......

First someone I thought would not leave work.....announced he is leaving. And even though I thought some time ago I would be very very sad.......now it just feels like the end of an era, an era that is already long gone. However...whenever we talk.........I wonder.

Then on Thursday a huge fight at work again, which made me realize that people just cannot stand others smarter and uncompromising than them. It was the first time I realized how much the other 3 in my team envy me...and the ends they are willing to go to to hurt me. And they did...on Thursday I was thinking if quitting...well not really but actually that I couldn't stand the situation anymore.

And then today.....a today. Today I was the one who configured the LLU product in the production systems in the company. After a marathon day of meetings and fights etc, after many months of preparation and after a day before which really sucked, today I actually brought this to life and it felt fuc....g great :-)

Especially after Nik sent me a thank you sms...that really made my night:)

Oh....I'm also sick, I have the flue...again......runny nose and a sore throat......but I fell really great:)

After a long time .... sure I have my moments up and down, especially because intelligence really doesn't let you in peace.....

However I still think I am in crisis.....better yes but still in crisis.

I wonder what will make me get out of it completely. I guess peace and a few good months. Hopefully.

I'm tired of people who always take from you without giving anything back. And the last 6 months have been only that.

Anyway its really late and I can barely keep my eyes open.....after only an episode of Boston Legal when I still have One Tree Hill and Gilmore Girls to watch.....but I'm dead:P

I want to go to the theater and see Hamlet B'. I loved that play when I first saw it a couple of years ago with my mom, we went at least a dozen times to see it. And its on stage again this year, I'm dying to go.

Also want to see The Devil wears Prada.....and so many more things I want to do but it just seems time is never enough. Oh well......I'm too lonely......

I remembered a couple of days ago, because of a chat I had with a friend my trip to Venice.

And I remembered when the vaporeto took the final turn to the port of the city of Venice and I saw the gate of the lions and the Doge's Palace.....the Piazza San Marco....the Basilica.

I remembered the gondolas and the murano factory and walking around the old streets and canals of Venice.

Buying a murano pendant and a murano vase. And my most vivid memory......passing in front of hotel Danielli's and promising myself that one day I would get to stay there.

Well I will......I still have a lot of life in front of me to live....free :-)

It only took 1 month

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction
that we are loved -- loved for ourselves,
or rather,
loved in spite of ourselves.


Victor Hugo



So ..... I'm back.


World did you miss me? I know I 've missed me.

It is strange to re-feel yourself like you haven't for a long time. Like coming home after a long journey.

The thing that puzzles me is that.....it did not happen because of something terribly signifcant, a word, a fight, a discussion...something!

It just ..... happened. As I wrote (but didn't exactly believe at the moment) one day you just wake up and the sun is shining (in my case raining but whatever) and you feel light and relieved.

So strange. I still cannot believe it.

But my soul is peacefull. I look at the street outside my window at the office and I feel no pain. I feel.....happy.....:)

I listen to music and I sing along the words. I drive up the hill near my house and all I see is the view.

Humans are so strange creatures.

I know now that healing my way was the right way. You (I) cannot heal the way others want you too. Nobody can actually understand the strange way my mind works so I did it my way, as the song goes:)

And all that crap people tell you about moving on immediattely etc etc are just that! Crap! By people unable or unwilling to face the music (in this case the pain) of healing.

I wonder these people....are they totaly cheap in their soul? Or just afraid? I used to think afraid now I say cheap.

Or maybe there are 2 kinds...the ones that are afraid so they react immediatelly in order to avoid the pain.....and the ones that are just ...cheap. Cheap in heart and soul and mind.

Well I'm tired of cheap people.

If the best company for me is Carl Sagan and Isaac Asimov and a glass of wine (or Diet Coke or Fanta) than that's what I'll live with. And guess what.....I'm pretty happy right about now:))))

(Now if Mr.Darcy comes along I will not say no...after all I always wanted to see Pemberly):P

It only took 1 month

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction
that we are loved -- loved for ourselves,
or rather,
loved in spite of ourselves.

Victor Hugo

So ..... I'm back.

Now that's a contradicting picture

I really love this picture.....its soo me

As I said.....happy days....